These past two weeks...almost three now have been rough. It all started out with me having to have a c-section at 32 weeks pregnant because of my super high blood pressure. It's crazy to think that I could have had a stroke or seizure if they didn't get our precious little girl out of me ASAP. It went from me going in to be monitored to the doctor saying, "I've scheduled your c-section for an hour from now." Scary scary moment! This all happened on September 10th. It is now September 28th and my beautiful baby Abigail Bryanne is still in the hospital. I NEVER thought something like this could happen to us. This was definitely not in our plans.
I was discharged from the hospital on Friday, September 14th which of course was nice because the beds there are horrible, but what was horrible about being discharged was the fact that I wouldn't be right down the hall from my princess. That was a horrible night...I cried all the way home. It was not in my plans to have to say goodbye to my baby for who knows how long.
We have learned so much about preemies that you would NEVER even think about. Preemies don't like to be rocked. They like to be completely snuggled up like they are still in the womb. They come out not having the knowledge of eating like newborn babies. They have to learn the technique of "Suck, breathe and swallow." Everything is different for preemies. Even their baths are different. They are given "swaddle baths." They are bathed in a little storage tote and kept swaddled through the whole bath. They normally sleep right through their baths because they feel as though they are right back in the womb and are extremely comfortable. We had to watch a video of the bath before we gave her the bath to know what to do. It was very weird, but she enjoyed it. You would think that if you are already a mother, that you would know how to take care of your 2nd child, but nope. We have been learning right along with Abigail through her whole growing process.
We absolutely LOVE Abigail and love seeing her everyday, but honestly the drive to and from the hospital and just sitting and holding and starting at Abigail has become quite tedious. We of course would not stop going to visit her because she needs us, but this month sure has been exhausting. Besides trying to heal from a c-section with an almost 3 year old at home (who loves my attention constantly)...we also have to take her to the hospital most of the time. It feels as though our visits with Abigail keep getting shorter and shorter because we are so exhausted and by 3 in the afternoon we are just ready to lay down on the couch and relax. Even though we are getting plenty of sleep most nights, we still wake up completely exhausted physically and emotionally. Who knew that life could be this hard.
I just want my little princess to come home!! She is doing great and is now up to 4 pounds, but she is still learning how to take food through her bottles. Before she can come home she has to be able to take 75% of her food through her bottle and then they can remove her feeding tube. AND then once the feeding tube is removed she will still have to have two full days of bottle feedings that will have to go perfect before she comes home. She is progressing slowly. We would love to have her home before her 1 month birthday, but it all depends on her. I think it might be easier if we had a specific date of when we could take her home because then we could at least be counting down the days, but nope, it is all unknown! The unknown is killing me!!
The life of a NICU Mommy...exhausting physically and emotionally...tedious drives to and from the hospital everyday...trying to heal from a c-section...learning new things everyday...having to deal with nurses that are not especially nurses that you would choose for your baby...trying to keep your 2 year old from touching your stomach that is still in the process of healing...pumping every three hours to make sure there is enough milk to transport to the hospital everyday for your NICU baby...trying to find time to figure out and make dinners after getting home from the hospital each day...trying to not feel guilty when your husband is doing the housework for you because you are not allowed...fighting yourself to sit still and relax because you are still healing when you feel that there is much to be done like the laundry and vacuuming...trying not to lift more than 10 pounds when your child at home is over 40 pounds...LIFE IS ROUGH, BUT WE TRULY ARE BLESSED WITH TWO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS! We just can't wait until Abigail can come home! Hopefully SOON!